Courage

This past Christmas I turned 45. Age is just a number to me now, mostly because it’s how I feel that determines my view on age. Besides, I couldn’t tell you how any age feels beyond my 45 years and 21 days. What I know for certain, is that age is all about you and how you view life.

I was hoping this year was better than the last 5 years, but now I am not sure. Two days ago I was very discouraged with everything. I always preach that you just have to make yourself do what needs to be done and that’s that. I told myself that last night, but as I started to think about all the changes I need to make I was overwhelmed to say the least. I of course have the “standard” goals for the year just like every one does. I need to go to the gym, eat better and love more. But what is hard is knowing that my life and the goals I set are not at all up to me. Some would say they are, but I don’t see how. I have a wonderful husband whom I adore with all my heart and a beautiful daughter and step daughter. The thing is my daughter suffers from bipolar disorder and my step daughter is ADHD. I am overwhelmed at times. My daughter is 23 and a great being but the impulsive and reckless nature of the disorder can really be devastating, not only for the family but for her. My step daughter is 12 and a very creative girl who is very intelligent but her grades would have you believe something else. I adore her father and to tell you the truth he is a God send. Imagine having not only the same things in common but also being able to help each other through raising our daughters without reproach. When couples with children re marry the one thing that is most difficult is being able to relate to the others child. Aside from being the natural parents, you don’t see it much and I am lucky to have that with him. It not only helps us but makes out relationship stronger.

I will leave you all with this. Always tell yourself that life is only what you make of it and that is no joke. Instead of looking at things and trying to change them stop and reflect on what you can live with under the circumstances. It is the only way to step back and breath. This is one of my goals this year. What can I truly live with and what do I need to work on. This includes my job as a mother and a wife. It is something small to look forward to when it seems like there is nothing to look forward to.

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